There are many reasons why we get angry, for example fatigue, patience levels, road rage, a sense of loneliness or feeling unappreciated by the people around you, a traumatic event that you haven't dealt with or let go holistically.
Anger is the emotion that is easiest to feel and that is why most people who are in pain or struggling with something in their personal lives express anger. It’s almost like the mask we wear to cover up what is really going on inside, as it's easier to be angry, blame others and become the victim than it is to address the cause.
On days where I’m living life on purpose, whatever comes into my path, positive or negative, is accepted and dealt with unemotionally. I do this by being “unf*ckwithable”, which provides tools to control and manage my past, my present and my future. With this I am enough.
Here are some examples:
One day I was feeling really sick and awful. I got in my car and drove to the doctor. Before leaving a boomed-off area, a man drove straight out of his driveway without looking, and smashed my car. This made me mad, and I lost my temper. I got out my car, and went to his window and started shouting and swearing. When I calmed down, I felt horrible about how I reacted.
On the day I got a new phone, my wife dropped it by mistake onto the kitchen tiles, and the screen cracked, rendering the phone unusable. At this time I was living life on purpose, and was conscious and mindful. I simply thought “It's just a phone that can be replaced - don't worry about it.” I consoled my wife who felt really bad
If I had the consciousness and mindset for scenario 1 as I did for scenario 2, I would have reacted and felt much better without any “fuel” causing damage to my body, and potentially harm to other people and things.
For option 1, there are always ways to control that type of anger. The bubble often bursts, which we go through in my Unf*ckwithable Workshop, or my Find your Human Compass Retreat.
How anger can be "good"
Anger has a sense of goodness, because it gives us a gauge of what is going on within us.
This can be used to understand ourselves better thereby growing, becoming better and learning how to control our anger and situations and deal with them in more pro-active and beneficial ways.
We need to let go as soon as possible. If we do not, this anger sticks with us continuously , causes damage to us and fuels us to react as in scenario 1.
When you get angry, stop, listen to yourself and think! Pay attention and realise why you are feeling this way. Get to know yourself, take control and be powerful. By having control within yourself, you create power.
So, how do we let go of anger...
The first step in letting go of anger is to be in tune with your body mind and soul. There are a couple of strategies to control anger such as breathing, focusing and meditating but my favourite one is by “being the bubble” which is part of my Unf*ckwithable Workshop and Find Your Human Compass Retreat.
Imagine a bubble surrounding you wherever you are and whatever you do. This transparent sphere contains only one thing. One awesome and brilliant thing - YOU!
This bubble method teaches us how to be unf*ckwithable in the present. Things happen to us every day that drive us crazy, but by envisaging yourself as a bubble, you learn how to be present, how to ground yourself, and how to disregard all forms of stress and negativities.
I once had a client whose anger trigger point was people arriving late to appointments. She felt hurt, insulted and let down too, which translated to anger. I advised her to consider that maybe they had good reason to be late, and that if she developed the habit of “being the bubble”, she would be able to see this clearer, and not take it personally.
While she got angry waiting, the meeting was damaged before she even met the person. Now she is better able to allow her bubble to bounce the negativity she felt, and focus on the opportunity. She could thus create the light by turning the irritation into goodness.
By being the bubble, we remain in the present and we can acknowledge why we are angry and how to deal with it. By being the bubble, we determine our emotions and what we experience. This allows us to be in control and to create success, and it’s one of my favourite solutions for managing anger before it reaches a tipping point.